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Afraid of Colour

Until this year I haven't been comfortable wearing colour in public. Everything I owned was black (apart from a questionable pair of electric blue heels). The reason I chose to wear black is that I thought it would keep me hidden. I thought that if people couldn't see me, they couldn't judge me. It's only when I look back I can see how miserable and lonely it is to live in constant fear of what people think.

Here is a picture of me from two years ago, the awkwardness radiates. 


A big part of my obsession with black was the standard fat girl advice that black is 'flattering' and 'hides all the lumps and bumps'. Yes, black can be a very flattering colour, but so can every other colour in the right size and fabric. It's absolute bullshit that young people are given advice like this from older family members/society and feel that they have to take their word as gospel like I did. And after wearing black for a considerable amount of time I became trapped. The moment I wore something colourful I was met with gasps and asked if I was feeling okay or told I looked better in a darker colour. So I'd go back to wearing black and feeling depressed about it.


But somehow I escaped my own anxiety and started wearing some colour. It took a long time to grow into the colourful gal I am now. It started slowly. It was the hottest day of the year so I wore a pair of blue jeans instead of black and I was absolutely terrified. With the coaching of my two very best friends I was able to sit in a park and feel comfortable. I didn't feel like people were looking at me because I still had the safety net of a black top but also a great laugh with my friends.

I really liked this feeling. Not only did I look better, but I felt accomplished. I know this sounds ridiculous, but for ten years I'd been hiding behind a black wall. After that day I began to get more confident. The feeling was moreish and I began buying black and white striped tops, grey jackets and burgundy scarves. A small step but a step in the right direction. Fast forward a year and I'm wearing a red rose patterned dress to my graduation and I have recently bought a white dress for the Miss British Beauty Curve pageant.

I still stand by the fact black is my favourite colour to wear. However, it's now only 50% of my wardrobe. I still wear all black outfits, but I am able to confidently look and feel summery which is something I've wanted for a very long time.


I will not say overcoming fears is easy. It really has taken a whole year of pushing my boundaries and daring to try new things to get me where I am today. I know some people may think this is stupid, but wearing colour was a legitimate fear of mine. Since adopting a more colourful wardrobe, I have had the confidence to dye my hair red which is something I've wanted to do for a very long time. This in turn has lead me to brighter colours- such as yellow as they compliment each other wonderfully.


I want to emphasise that I didn't do this alone and if you're trying to overcome something please ask for help. My friends gave me the boost I needed and they continue to help me to this day. A lot of things in life are scary, for me wearing colour at my current weight was terrifying. But surrounding yourself with people who bring your life up can help you endlessly.

Push some boundaries today,

Rebecca x

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